This is the eighth of a 14-part series that deals with the negative effects of low-self-esteem.

In this chapter, we will try to reveal some factors that surround one of the most prevalent traits that people with low self-esteem exude.


People-pleasing is a personality trait that makes people commit to boosting the well-being of other people by gaining their approval, even at the expense of their own needs.

Most people pleasers are self-sacrificing and self-deprecating.  They base their self-worth on how others see them.  They tend to lose their personal identity because they cannot stand up for themselves and they have this constant need for approval from other people.

Caring too much about what other people think to the point that it influences your thoughts and decisions is a self-destructive pattern.  It makes you lose control of your own life and it can subject you to manipulation from other people. 

People-pleasing is a consequence of low self-esteem. It creates a need to be liked by everyone.  It also creates a fear of abandonment and rejection.  It is a state of mind that alienates you from your own true self. 

You need to stop your people-pleasing mindset in order to get a life.  Here are some tips can help you to overcome that people-pleaser behavior:

1. Take care of yourself.

You should know that you are the only one who can take the best care of yourself.  Do not compromise your own needs with the needs of others, as it will affect your ability to help in the long run.  Always keep in mind that your own needs are just as important as their needs.

2. You should realize that being kind and being a people-pleaser are different.

You can do an act of kindness without the intention to please the other person, and you can disagree with someone without intending to be unkind.  Stand up for your own values. Do not base your decisions on what others want you to do.

3. Learn to say no.

Saying "yes" when you mean "no" is a manifestation of a people- pleasing state of mind.  Say no politely whenever someone asks a favor you cannot give.  Don't make yourself available when you can't afford to be.  These can help to keep you from being taken advantage of.

4. Be your own best friend.

Don't be too concerned of what other people think about you.  Don't even think that what you do could displease them.  Take responsibility for your actions.  It is that fear of disapproval that is eroding your self-esteem.  Just remember, no one focuses on your “mistakes” as much as you do.

5. Its hard to please everyone.

Trying to please everyone is a hopeless illusion.  People view the same things differently and their opinions can vary depending on how they look at the situation. 

It is therefore best to stand by our own values and beliefs and defend them in the face of opposition.  This can help you to build your own identity and self worth.  It can also make people respect you for who you are.  Remember, no one can manipulate you or treat you poorly if you don't allow them to.


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